Just a fuckup. That's what it felt like and that's what it was. So, no, I didn't cry, but I felt like it. I solved it the way I'd solved so many similar things over the years: I cut it out of my life. I told myself it was because I was bored with it, that I hated darkroom work, that I was only doing it because Dad did it and my brother the jerk did it, and I didn't really want to do it, anyway.That wasn't entirely true, though. The fact is that while I was no Ansel Adams, I got some pretty good results. Mostly in portraits, now and then in a landscape. Lee was my primary subject in the early years, no surprise there, and our kids when they came along, alone and in groups, sometimes with grandparents or aunt, absorbed in whatever they were doing. Reading, sometimes, kid in lap. A favorite was one of Julie and her grandfather, watching her grandfather put together a scooter for her. Julie's eyes watching, her face attentive, anticipation in her eyes, her grandfather turning a screw,. Dana and Jessica stayed at my side and we had some good conversations about kink and sexuality.It was rare on these party weekends to have real conversations about life and yet here we were relatively sober chatting kink. The conversation turned to Poly relations and how a threesome can turn into more. Jessica said she didn't like the way current trends had taken polygamy and poly and rolled them together. She went on about how they are generally very different. The conversation flowed and Dana had input that mirrored Jessica's point of view and it almost seemed as though they were working together. I had been mostly listening as I watched over the party but then there was an awkward moment of silence and the two of them looking to me, like it was my turn to say something. I told them that as long as every one respects each other, all sorts of different relationships are viable. Dana mentioned that she was loosing her job at the Mushroom factory as soon as the current line finished.
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